#i don’t know what emotion i’m feeling rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra · 1 year ago

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So um. apparently. something that I thought was a normal part of female anatomy all my life. is actually an intersex condition.

schools need to fucking teach sex ed

#personal #sorry for the tmi #again #i don’t know what emotion i’m feeling rn

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dancedance-resolution · 2 months ago

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well fellas it’s happening i think i am maybe developing a crush on the girl ive been fucking recently 🫥

#the first person who i’ve felt even an inkling of a romantic feeling towards in over a year and of course it’s a fucking pisces #(i do not believe in astrology but i really need to believe in astrology rn for intricate rituals reasons😭)#anyways i feel a little bit insane and i don’t know what i want or what i should say and i genuinely GENUINELY genuinely. genuinely feel lik #e kara in all of the yearny supercorp fan fics #AND ALSO. i am a deeply weird autistic community college student and at the same age she is a neurotypical very very functional phd student #with a real job and a real apartment and a real life and a real future i feel so Unworthy of her lol. i’m good at making her come i love tsk #ing care of her but outside of sex i do not know what i have to offer bc i don’t know if my autistic whimsy personality works on neurotypica #ls. like i have yet to figure out if she likes me as a person or tolerates me bc i am oddly enough really good at fucking her idk.#ALSO . what even is a romantic relationship #like as is we go on cute excursions and fuck. what is the difference btw that and dating except monogamy and even that’s not necessarily a t #hing yk?????#AHHHHHHHHH like in my brain the difference btw romantic and fuck buddies is do you have long term intentions and no we don’t we’re in our 20 #s we’re students neither of us is out here looking for a whole ass wife so what is the POINT of these feelings #bc like how does this end except hurt. is it worth the hurt at the end probably maybe idfk!!!#AHHHH WHO LET ME POSSESS THE CAPACITY FOR HUMAN EMOTION 😡😡😡

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theshadowrealmitself · 2 years ago

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I can’t articulate it, but it gets to me that, outside of Spock and I think Tuvok, being logical and regulating emotions isn’t something that Vulcans are shown to just endure, the same way they endure lower temperatures for other species, or higher oxygen for other species, or anything else that has to be incredibly uncomfortable at best to painful at worst that they just endure

The vibe I get from it is that a majority of Vulcans enjoy it, they like being logical, maybe they didn’t get a choice in being logical as kids, but unlike the select few like Sybok, they don’t seem to be resentful that they were raised like that at all

This isn’t just something they’re all forced to do now to prevent their emotions from causing their species’ end, dedicating themselves to logic brought them inner peace

#Star Trek #Vulcans #can’t articulate it especially while really tired and lying in bed #but hopefully y’all still get what I’m trying to say #I say I think for Tuvok because I know he struggles with violent thoughts #but I don’t think it has the same vibes as Spock struggling with his human half to fully accept Vulcan’s ways #even though it seems like fully dedicating himself like that brings more harm to his human half #which causes it to be more prominent like a vicious cycle #fuck definitely can’t articulate rn #also maybe for Tuvok Vulcan’s ways are actually even more appreciated #because they’re exactly there to help Vulcans regulate intense emotions #also I think this is part of why it seems more like Spock struggles compared to other Vulcans #for other Vulcans logic and regulating all emotions is seen as a way for them to be content #to be able to live their lives peacefully and to its best extent (peace and long life)#in a way that embracing emotions wouldn’t because they’re intense emotions would destroy themselves #but for Spock logic and regulating emotions is more about trying to reach impossible standards and get acceptance from everyone else #abd things like that again very tired can’t articulate #also adding to my hc that while Vulcans regulate their emotions and come to logical terms on why they feel like they do #and peacefully handle it #Spock believes that they’re all suppressing so that’s what he’s actually doing #just suppress suppress suppress everything which isn’t healthy #just my personal thoughts

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zodiacsea · 7 months ago

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been rereading a lot of anne carson translations this week and the strength it’s taking not to start posting like a crazy person about elektra…… u all do not know the amt of restraint i am showing

#i hate her and i would protect her with my life.#and the fucking scene. with orestes and the urn? specifically in the sophocles elektra?#fucking impossible to act. and for some godforsaken reason #electra (i don’t remember who translated it but it was Not carson) was one of our options for scenes #in an acting class i took in college #and so i have watched multiple pairs of college actors muddle through a scene that is #like. nigh on unplayable.#bc it’s brain breaking! the emotional rollercoaster elektra experiences in that one scene is like #more than a human knows what to do with #and orestes’ motivations? inscrutable #okay sorry i’m rambling now but i feel so crazy rn.#for also other reasons. but channeling it into feeling crazy and elektra #漫言 #classicsblogging

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fraberry-stroobcake · 9 months ago

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is it gay to be so overwhelmed with emotions by thinking about someone you care about so much you almost want to pick up writing again

#- but also it’s night time and you can’t fall asleep even though you need to get up early #and you’re just stuck imagining the lines you want written down #so your only options are to do it now while they’re still there #or not and then forget all of them in the morning and cry #hi i’m the gay one help i haven’t been in this state in a while #i’m just in that state again somehow i guess #probably because i never got a chance to tell this person how something so small for them meant a world to me in that moment #i hope i’ll be able to tell you all that myself in a more direction way but i love you so much you mean the world to me #okay i don’t actually want to scare you off by saying that but knowing what my mind is imagining for this you’d think that yourself anyway #i should probably stop taking now it’s way too late and i’m being tooooo emotionally vulnerable rn #hi guys sleepy night time frab here i’m the (other) emotion + vulnerable one #don’t you love to see it #i wonder if anyone is still down here reading these tags #hi if you are! send aaaa hmmm send a little ‘£; e’ if you read to this point #also why r u still reading? weirdoooo /jk love you #but really don’t be down here too long i’m sorta bleeding all my feelings out right now #because i’m so bad at expressing myself directly and as soon as i want to #ugh i’ll leave now i’m lonely and talking to myself too much again #night night everpony #frabrant #wonder if i’ll write more again… ok i’m LEVAING now gah

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reflectionsofgalaxies · 3 months ago

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since i have been using this as more of a journal recently anyway i figured i’d share another success/joy from today!

i did end up getting out to walk up my big hill, and it was wonderful! and saw many cool things!

i saw two bear cubs up a tree (thankfully they and Mama were on the other side of a fence in someone’s backyard), a bunny, a stoat, and two hummingbirds chasing each other as the sun set!

i even made friends with an older woman who also saw the stoat, because she had never seen one and didn’t know what it was at first. sometimes people are cool and wholesome. (also yes my first thought was Burrow’s End. my second thought was Pantelimon and yes i know in the book he settles as a pine marten not a stoat)

OH! and i saw some puffball mushrooms.

overall 10/10 chill but productive solo day ✨

#that wasn’t like the best day ever obvs #but it felt good #esp after the rollercoaster of emotions i’ve been having recently #and tomorrow i get to see a friend and also get new pants (preferably without holes in the crotch) for back to school #feeling really good about going back to school #i know it’s kinda more normal to be like ‘whatever happens with school at least i have my friends’#but rn (bc my brain is evil not bc my friends are totally amazing bc they ARE) i’m like #‘ whatever happens with my friends i still have school!’#i also know i have my friends #its been a long long time since anyone did something to make me doubt that #the only doubt comes from my own fears and overthinking #i’m having a hard time with all this change (even though some of it is good) and my old insecurities are taking advantage of that #at least i can recognize them for what they are now #kinda ridiculous that even after recognizing what they are they still don’t go away #clingy bastards #personal

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mutalune · 5 months ago

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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state

#starlight personal #the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening #the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope #now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed #because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that #2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences #4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it #treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great #treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body #idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing #PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks #ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months #until my next appointment #which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps #I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides #also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is #also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough #this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering #but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly #which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose #(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own #I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient #and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to #like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here #so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here #I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly #make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad

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binders-and-beanies · 6 months ago

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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated #can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all #tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump #hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much #and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context #it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten #literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch #which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed #literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is #it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night #I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired #and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled #in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout #and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do #it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back #I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them #and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe #and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos #but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications #both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking #and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me #I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it #this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening #just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours #PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends #this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this #personal #mine #vent post

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cassandralexxx · 11 months ago

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if wearing skirts didn’t make me want to kms I would have so many more options for what to wear to Christmas mass :/

but here we are

#mylife #Wearing skirts makes my skin crawl and it infuriates and upsets me #And I want to punch something #And yes intellectually I know I look cute wearing it but emotionally I feel bad and sad #And I know if I wore them enough I would give in and be fine #Like that’s what I had to do as a child to wear dresses #Get like trained into liking thwm #Through tears and frustration #But I’m an adult who does like skirts and I don’t want to deal with the emotional turmoil of something that doesn’t match the view of mysel #But rn I don’t know what to wear to mass and Ik I’ll see girls and people from my childhood at mass looking gorgeous and cute and pretty an #I don’t want to look shitty like i need to be on there level and their level is a cute skirt #But I hate them sm #Idk if it’s a gender thing or what but I don’t fuck with them

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miffyghost · 11 months ago

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real talk with you guys I think my manager forgot that my father in law died last week and I’ve only just come back from compassionate leave

#we have a team catch-up today that I forgot about where he always makes us do sth dumb like say what weather we feel like or a word to sum #up our week #obviously I’m feeling bad and don’t want to do that + it’s the last one before Christmas so everyone will be in a cheerful festive mood #so I message him 10 mins before to say sorry I forgot we have this but I don’t really feel up to socialising with people so please can I #skip it #his only response? are you okay?#just are you okay?? which makes me think he couldn’t remember why I would be upset rn #I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said yeah I’m ok but we spoke to the coroner today and I’m a bit emotional #and I didn’t want to be around people who were celebrating #and his response that time was ‘I’m sorry to hear about that. hope you are well’#like dude I’m obviously not????#do you know what’s going on?

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lyriumsings · 2 years ago

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i don’t even know what to do with myself after that. live my life? how??? frank and bill were my life for like 57 minutes how do i recover

#truly don’t know what to do i feel so empty rn #LIKE HOW IS THIS SHOW SO GOOD #the emotional impact and character building in JUST AN HOUR #they can’t keep doing this to me they can’t keep giving me likable characters with phenomenal acting and killing them in the same episode #i’m going insane #what else am i supposed to watch right now #i feel SO EMPTY AND SAD AND YET SO HAPPY CUZ THEY GOT A WHOLW LIFE #TWENTY YEARS TOGETHER HAPPY AND SAFE IN A VERY UNSAFE WORLD #no one touch me #lyriumsings txt #spoilers #the last of us

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callixton · 10 months ago

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ya the key thing is that i do not experience romantic love. and that means that breaking up is the only thing i can do in good conscience when he clearly does but ooh. that conversations gonna hurt so fucking bad

#again what i had w my first boyfriend. it might’ve been it #it felt like it at the time #but i was also thirteen and i haven’t felt anything close since #and not in a wrong person way in a i’m not thirteen anymore way #sorry sometimes these feelings r brought on by reading doctor who fanfiction. and you have to sit with that #i just don’t feel it. what everyone else talks about. and i don’t really want to #i experience intense emotion in other ways and i have simply realized that’s not one of the ones i’m interested in!#anyway. i don’t know how to break up with someone so it hurts them as little as possible #and i’m terrified of hurting him bc she doesn’t deserve it #man! this shit hurts!#but basically every day of my life rn i am thinking abt how i need to not be in a relationship bc i don’t like it so uh. really no choice #ted talks

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d0d0-b0i · 2 years ago

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always get so pleasantly surprised when people really like my stuff i post :) love you all. whether you celebrate something or not around this time i wish you all the best <3

#i always first and foremost post for me if not otherwise stated on the post itself #and that is what i always have done and aspire to continue. but #it makes me happy to see so many likeminded people around me #sorry. i am getting sappy and emotional; today has been draining for reasons i do not know #i am very tired and it is late for me so i will try sleeping soon #i am glad to have found such a nice and large fandom in sonic. it has allowed me to try and be more approachable and friendly while still #being myself at my core interactions. this year has been strange and new and exciting so i figured i might as well try #and make some more friends. which i have; i am happy to say :’) i have always had a hard time socializing. and to find people willing #to understand the things i say even though it’s worded weirdly #and i’m happy so many can enjoy the art i post <3 it means a lot to me #especially when i feel as if i don’t do enough. i like many others have some. issues regarding worth and content but i am trying my best #and. am getting better at it 👍 i think i might be getting sick ergo the sappiness and long tags #but i don’t regret the things i say. i love you all followers mutual ppl i follow #there is so much space in my heart and i am not afraid to admit that i get attached easily and do not know where friendships begin.#but i. am willing to try and find out! if the gods are willing; hopefully a good new year for us all next week! and more commmunity and love #i hope you understand what i am trying to convey. ive been scared of being this open but if i am not then i will never know living #and loving <3 will still be posting obvs i am simply joyous rn! gonna sleep now :3

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binx0r · 1 year ago

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Legit question: would it be weird to tell someone

“It makes me happy to know you exist”

Bc like… that’s a sentiment I feel a lot esp when I don’t have the ability to interact as much as I’d like to with people but I see them living their lives and it gives me deeply good feelings

Like regardless of whether we cross paths I know you well enough to appreciate you’re part of the universe and that fact brings me joy

Like is that inappropriate in any way?

#personal #super you can ignore this #im probably not gonna say it either way bc it’s awkward #I’m not even high rn I just have a lot of emotions #like I just sometimes really want to let people know how great it is they’re alive and being who they are #but I don’t know how to express that in a way that actually communicates that #especially when it’s like not tied to any specific behaviour or relationship or expectation #I’m going through it and I have really low social capacity and it’s really getting to me #I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or wonder what I’m trying to accomplish by being like really intense #what are boundaries? why are they so adaptive? how do you express love that isn’t asking for anything in return?#idk #it also feels like I ask this kind of thing too much but that’s also potentially in my head #I don’t actually need reassurances I just wanted to put it out there #like… maybe… maybe instead of saying it directly I can express this in a way where people don’t feel the need to interact with it #unless THEY choose to #no pressure #yeah… that’s maybe the middle ground here #so I can stop fucking thinking about it without directly making it anyone else’s problem #anyway if you see this and read all this shit and we’ve ever interacted I mean you #good job existing (sincere)#the world is better with you in it 😊

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rosicheeks · 2 years ago

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So glad to hear you're feeling better!

You don't wanna cruise down to your lil smoke spot?? 🥺

Idk man

#lately all I’ve been doing is sleeping in my car #idk I finished my show so idk what to watch #I’m thinking about maybe sitting outside for a bit and smoke there #but idk #smoking doesn’t even sound fun rn #I’m just bored with life #I wish I could paint or craft but i can’t #I don’t have much hobbies or anything right now #I would clean if my parents weren’t going to bed #I just wish I could smoke with someone #I’m in the mood for a late night smoke session with a good friend #just smoking and talking about life #I’m sitting with my dad and he’s in so much pain and I just feel so bad #I’m in such a blah mood #and everything is making me so emotional and sad #you know it’s bad when smoking doesn’t even sound fun #I just sad idk #ask #anon

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blueish-bird · 2 years ago

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currently overcome by childhood memories because I decided to play an Owl City album I used to listen to on repeat

#meposting #my thoughts #I don’t know what I’m feeling rn lmao #mildly dissociative maybe #nostalgia is weird. fucking with my brain chemistry.#nostalgia #memory #music #it’s just. weird to think back to dancing and crying my childhood bedroom while I chronically avoided my homework #daydreaming about my original characters for hours on end #I’m glad I made it to this point and I’m glad I had music like this that I really connected with #I don’t seem to process auditory info well (like lectures) but I have rly strong emotional reactions and connections to audio/sound #like. jokes that include a sound element? peak comedy to me #i never considered whether I had any sticks until only recently but BOY do I auditory stim a lot #making sounds. listening to music. playing silly/satisfying audio recordings on repeat.#not super related I just feel like talking about it #adhd #auditory stim #I also credit Owl City as an early inspiration of love for assonance and fun/engaging lyrics and poetry #and electronic music #and general whimsy #if I ever publish a poetry book. I’ll probably mention Owl City in the acknowledgments lmao #right now I’m listening to The Midsummer Station #also listened to All Things Bright and Beatiful a lot #I never had Ocean Eyes but I Love some of the songs from that album (which is the one that contains Fireflies)#I think some of my favs are Umbrella Beach. To The Sky. Dreams and Disasters. Speed of Love. Cave In. The Real World. Plant Life. Angels.#perfect my creative and escapist kid brain. complimentary and formative shit #ok I’m almost at 30 tags reminiscing over

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